67. true love or bust: horizontal with a world-class relationship coach
I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, sex, storytelling, and stargazing, among other things. So I metaphorically rolled them all up in audio form and called it a podcast. horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s us lying down, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears. Each session with a guest is between 2 and 3 hours long, and divided into two episodes. Part ones are available anywhere you get your podcasts, and part twos are available only to patrons of the horizontal arts. Become a patron of $5+ per month soon, because... When I launch Season 3, I’ll be shifting some things, revealing a couple surprises, and revamping my Patreon tiers: If you’re already in as a patron, you’ll be grandfathered in with access to all the episodes at the 5 - 15 dollar level. Fair warning, lovers! *** This Thursday night in Brooklyn, come Valentine’s with us! Valentine's Day is in less than a week, and I would usually be fretting about what to do.This was especially true if I was single, but it was also very much true when I was part of a couple. What could I do that wouldn't have me feeling lonely? How could I turn this day of forced romance and commerce and couples privilege... into a day that would actually be nourishing for Me?I tried dating myself on Valentine's. I tried friend-time. I tried tango festivals. I tried Galentine’s Day. But what I actually desired was an intimate, pleasure-focused experience for myself. I desired sensation play, delicious treats (that were safe for me to eat), titillating performance, immersive theatre, and one-on-one connection. I really wanted to make Valentine's day about delighting all of my senses, not about the arbitrary fact of whether I was romantically linked to another person on that day.So I’m curating it. It's called 14 Rooms, and it will be on Valentine’s night. It’s an event for everyone, whether you’re not in a relationship, in a relationship, in a polycule, in a situationship — no matter what our quote unquote status is, we can gather and explore intimate moments of different kinds. Together. As a community celebrating pleasure, our senses, and our aliveness. Celebrating Big Love. Come Valentine's with us. It will be delicious.It's the Valentine's I've always wanted. P.S. If you’re short on funds but full of enthusiasm, send me a message through horizontalwithlila.com or Instagram to see about a possible volunteer shift. *** Apropos of everything - in this episode, I lie down with Annie Lalla, Goddess of Love and world-class relationship coach. Annie stands for true love. She is a gladiator of empathy. In this first part of our conversation, we talk about the correlation between self-esteem and soul mates, how couples cross-train each other, footnoting our parents for the superpowers born on the back of their crazy, optimizing for aliveness, empathy algorithms, integration and differentiation (the inhales and exhales of relationship), the phrase “I’m angry, but I love you more than I’m angry,” and using your creativity to adjust your emotional response to your reality. I first met Annie when she gave a talk about true love in the Speaker Series I co-lead at Burning Man 2018. The theme was The Year of the Robot, and we had... technical difficulties. The mic was down, so somebody found Annie a little toy bullhorn, and we all gathered round her like children at storytime, to press our burning questions into her hands like love letters. She is one of the most poignant extemporaneous speakers that I’ve ever witnessed on stage. I took copious notes, because I’d literally never heard anybody speak about love the way that Annie does. These are some of the words I captured: “cartographer of love” “kilojewels of energy” “There’s an I that has to be sacrificed on the altar of us. If you’re not feeling terror, you’re not actually playing the game.” “the sacred mirror” And “Nothing compares to the gymnasium, to the dojo of a true love relationship.” I imagine by now, you know how I feel about words. I savored Annie’s words, wrote them down in red ink, and fervently hoped that she would get horizontal with me someday. The time wasn’t right at Burning Man. But when I booked my ticket to Miami, taking a loving risk to go meet a man I’d been communicating with for four months, but had never met in person (a risk I imagined that Annie would approve of mightily) and I found out that Annie was in Miami! Well! Come lie down with us on a big white bed with a view of the ocean, in Miami, Florida. *** For horizontal photos and behind-the-scenes videos (like the one I took of Annie’s glorious red carpet ocean-view apartment), follow @horizontalwithlila on Instagram. I’ve been getting reallly into Instagram lately, and I have a cache of colorful photos to share. If you are in need of the services of a Love Coach (and really, who isn’t?) you can commune with all things Annie through annielalla.com This episode was edited by Mr. Chad Michael Snavely, bearded man, father, and podcast impresario. Have a peek through his roster on chadmichael.com. The character illustration and graphic design for my cover art was drawn by Shana Shay. Look her up on 99Designs. And my sweet intro music was composed by Alan Markley, rock star father and @plasticcannons on Instagram. Next week’s episode, 68, part two of my conversation with Annie, will be available to patrons of $5 a month and up. The Patreon tiers will change in the next month or so, so lock in access to The Full Horizontal at the grandfathered rate by becoming a patron now! Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila Welcome to my newest patrons, Bob a Lee! And so much gratitude to Julene for raising her Patreon pledge. After my trip to Miami, I’m feeling turned on by life. I wish you that! And as always, I wish us someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. Thank you for becoming horizontal.