Conflict + Unpopular Opinions
Chaos is part of life and it goes hand-in-hand with transformation. Chaos shows up in relationships in the form of conflict, and conflict is an opportunity for growth. Conflict arises from unmet needs, limited resources and differing social values. Switching from the emotional part of your brain to the logical part requires that your emotions be validated. Active listening can be a great and easy way to validate someone else's emotions. Sally walks us through what this conflict dialogue looks like. Patty believes that growth only happens when one is ready to embrace it. Resisting change keeps us in chaos, and that can look like resentment, passive/active aggression in our relationships. Sally and her partner use humor in their conflict often to diffuse emotional intensity. The Gottman Theory calls this a "repair attempt" in order to prevent negative escalation. Sally is not a 'Gottman person.' Patty does not enjoy being in conflict with others, especially when she has hurt or disappointed another person. Sally reminds her that becoming a parent is going to be great practice for this. It's important to gather information about the conflict to determine what parts of the conflict belong to you and what parts belong to the other party. Bring your awareness to your own actions, choices, thoughts and feelings. Don't be afraid to disappoint others. According to Glennon Doyle's book Untamed, it is your obligation!