Living Through Past Achievements or Failures

Maybe, today, I know that I am more interesting internally than I will ever be externally. My thoughts and ideas and goals and visions are grander and more magnificent than any external achievement I’ve ever achieved, so telling my past story feels small and empty because I carry bigger things inside, so I don’t often talk about myself anymore. I don’t need to. I know one day it will materialise and maybe some people will notice, or they won’t, and I no longer care.

As long as I took pride in my past achievements I couldn’t actually completely move towards the future; I held myself back by trying to still fit inside my past story. But you will never fit your future story if you’re still trying to play small and fit in the past one. You’ve grown! Future you shouldn’t be able to go back, she or he should have evolved so much that there is no going back, and the past shouldn’t even be realistic or nurturing anymore because you are now a new you. Evolved. Bigger. More refined.

Connected to this is of course also living through past failures. Introducing yourself with a small tone of sadness because of something you went through, or a little bit of shame because of something you did not achieve a few years ago.
We can not show up in the present as our full magnificent new us if we’re still carrying younger us on our shoulders. We have to learn to move on and let go, good and bad. And that doesn’t mean we let go of the lessons. We hold on to the wisdom, it’s ingrained in us. We carry lessons and wisdom and knowledge with us, but I think we should place the actual experience that let to that knowledge as a painting on the wall and only look at it with nostalgia and not as anything to introduce ourselves with. It was then, younger you. Be proud of younger you. But look up to older you.

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✦ Find all my books, writings and music at www.CharlotteEriksson.com
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