What Vulnerability Really Looks Like: Are These Mistakes Ruining Your Chances with a Great Guy? With Chris Gillis

Marni and Chris Gillis shine a light on the often hidden dating lessons from the latest episode of Bachelor in Paradise. This episode is a treasure trove of real-life riches for people who want a successful, long-term relationship.

Takeaways from this episode:

The difference between telling your sad tale and being vulnerable
How to avoid activating your unmet childhood needs
Be rejection-proof
Don’t chase a man
Be the person you want to attract

You Are More Than Your Trauma [3:40]

To dispel the common dating no-no of making a tragedy the basis of your connection, especially on the first date, BIP producers brought in a woman they thought would have something in common with Michael. The move made Marni physically cringe. The theory is that BIP producers really liked Michael A., who lost his wife four years ago to breast cancer, and in an effort to get him to stay on the show, they brought in Danielle. Danielle lost her husband to suicide eleven years ago. It is an unhealthy way to start a relationship!

Trauma dumping is not being vulnerable.

Michael A., your supposed vulnerability is really lightly-veiled manipulation. Not cool brother. If you resonate with Danielle’s plight to not be a therapist for the rest of her life, run away from sad tale singles.

Being Rejection-Proof [14:53]

The ‘big switch’ in this episode led to an overabundance of tears and the hysteria the ladies produced is insane. They have only known the guys for a short period and have already formed the idea that the guys are “theirs.”

Chris admits that even though males get involved in fast-forward relationships without thinking it through, the women who live in scarcity and need to fall in love are sabotaging their dating life.

You have to be engaged and interested in a man without getting attached. If you are not careful you will activate your unmet childhood needs.

Having self-worth makes you rejection-proof and resilient.

Don’t Chase Him Down [26:47]

During the BIP episode, when the new women are introduced, the original women seemed overly distraught, but none as much as Lace. She walks down to the beach looking for Rodney, only to find him with a new girl. Ladies, big lesson here, if a guy does not respond to a message, Do Not chase him down.

This show is a great example of how to cultivate relationships when your ego-self is leading the way. Resolving your core issues is key to improving your dating life.

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