Financial Abuse and the Hostage situation

Most people consider abuse to be emotional and/or physical. There is such a thing as financial abuse in which you are financially dependent on the abuser, the abuser creates a financial crisis for you, or controls your money. Abuse may also utilize other forms of abuse such as emotional abuse or isolation to carry out their goals with financial abuse.  Financial abuse is when someone controls or manipulates how or when you spend your money. Like other forms of abuse, financial abuse may be subtle at first, and progress in severity over time. You may not have noticed the financial control as it seems as if your parents re 'helping you'. You feel selfish for questioning it, or the 'help they have given is used to make you feel guilty. They may be reminding you of all of the help they have given you, years later.  Psychologist Gretchen Kubacky said financial abusers often blame their victims and exhibit extreme behavior. “Financial abuse takes many forms, including blaming the significant other for financial strain, putting the significant other on an absurdly strict budget, public shaming about expenditures, utilizing all or most of the income on an addiction, and taking earned or gifted money away from the significant other,” Kubacky told The Cheat Sheet. Interestingly, many sources suggest that most people who suffer from Domestic and Family Violence experience financial abuse.  In this episode we look at: what is financial abuse what does financial abuse look and feel like how financial abuse (and other forms of abuse such as emotional abuse disguised as help), results in guilt-tripping and holding the victim hostage'.  I have experienced financial abuse that was disguised as loving parents helping me, for years and years.  Much of the early help conditioned a dependency in me that made adult abuse much easier for my parents. I am not even sure if they knew that they were doing it. But any help, including financial help, was never given without expectations of how to use it, what they wanted in return (which was usually just to fall in line with them), and I have been constantly reminded my whole life of the help they have given me (from birth to now). I needed to put a stop to the handouts. I was receiving money I did not ask for. This was another entry point for emotional abuse. My mum would call me and suffocate me with her complaining about their awful financial situation because of me. She was not at all willing to take the money back, nor was she willing to stop the emotionally abusive calls. The money was used to control me, to complain to me and about me. The thought of receiving any help from my parents (help that I ask for or didn't ask for), makes my stomach wrench.. because it results in negative consequences.  Interestingly. My father was not aware of the incessant calls and had a different perspective on their financial situation. According to mum, giving me money (that I had not asked for), had put them under so much financial stress and pressure; yet my dad outright denied this and painted a different story. He simply brushed it off and made excuses for my mum. Yet neither of them would accept it back and the calls continued.  Keep in mind that there are differences between healthy help, help used for coercion or abuse (what we are discussing today) and enabling by 'saving' You may find that you are anxious when it comes to money, or lack basic financial skills that most adults need, so you feel you have to be dependent on financial advice or help from your parents. Maybe your parents are using your information or finances without your consent.  --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/truthcampaign/message

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