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In this episode, we discuss: How abusive parents can shape you to be dependent on them so that you need to rely on them or gain their approval before making life choices  How help is not always conditional, but a tool to control you through feelings of guilt and "owing" you parents.  DEPENDENCY Children who had healthy relationships with their parents will experience a normal transition from teenage years to adulthood. They go from being dependant to independent. Their parents provide foundations for them to be autonomous individuals, capable of making their own decisions.  If you have an abusive parent, you may find that your parents pay for things that most adults pay for themselves. Or they are over-involved and take care of your affairs for you. Maybe you feel the need to expose every area of your life, like your money and relationship situation. You may find that your parents jump in to help you at the drop of a hat, with or without your permission. They will take over conflicts for you or be the driver in your life decisions. YOu may find that if you do not follow what your parents feel yous should do, that you are punished emotionally, they may threaten to or actually remove the help that they are giving. They may also try and degrade your abilities with words such as "I have been a parent longer than you, I know better".  This often results in Adult children with abusive parents who may find themselves with a 'Dependent Personality'. They lack the confidence to make their own life decisions in the area of relationships, parenting, money because they seek the approval of their parents before making any moves or need to check in with others and make sure they have support, instead of making a decision themselves. The fear of their parent finding out that they did something without checking in first. They may also rely on their parents to undertake tasks that are normally undertaken by that individual as an adult.  Many people with toxic parents will find that they were not given the opportunity to learn valuable life skills such as financial skills or conflict resolution because their parents took care of all of that for them. They then need to rely on others to help them with these basic things.  HELP In a healthy world, help is something that is given freely, without consequences, and without strings attached. Healthy parents do not give help without expecting anything in return and forcing conditions.  If you had an abusive parent, you may find that you fear help. You may find that you always feel like you need to 'return the favor', or are waiting to be reminded of the help that you are given and feel bad if you have not met the expected returned favor.  You may find yourself people pleasing because you have learned from your toxic childhood that giving to your parents and others is a measure of your worth and a way in which your parents would be happy with you Just like a person dependent on drugs, you become dependent on your parent's expectation of returning the favor because it means that you are left alone... at least for a short while.  CONTROL Dependency and Help can be used by the abusive parent or parents to control their child. Dependency and help can be masked as a loving and caring parent, willing to give and sacrifice for their children. It may even feel like that to you. But if you think clearly, you may realize that help and dependency are always given with an outcome other than support in mind.  You may feel guilty for questioning your parents or going against their will because it is easy to be manipulated when your parent is constantly reminding you of everything that they have done for you. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/truthcampaign/message