lystn

MY CHILDHOOD WAS HEALTHY AND NORMAL ... or so I thought I thought, like so many of you listening, that I had a very normal childhood. I considered myself one of the lucky ones.  I was constantly being reminded of how good I had it and how grateful I should be.  My parents would rush to my aid if I needed them and when I didn't. They gave me all of the "things". From the outside looking in, things were perfect. For a large stint in my life, I also thought this was the case and felt guilty and selfish if I ever questioned the integrity of my parents or identified the damage that had been caused. But behind the scenes, it was a different story... My mother has a chaotic brain, she was addicted to drama. She was on a 3-day cycle. First the calm, then the chaos. Day three meant waking up to mum slamming cupboard doors with pursed lips, clearly upset. And the silent treatment.  Even saying good morning was scary. There was nothing going wrong, but her manner said it all. I was meant to guess, read her mind, just know what she was upset about.  When I didn't know, apparently I didn't care. It always came back to something I had or had not done, or my mother creating a problem from the only god knows what.  I cannot explain to many other people that I grew up with, exactly what happened. They did not see it. Even now as the abuse has become more relentless and dangerous, they have not seen it. They will not understand. I will be the selfish crazy person that my parents have made me out to be on their smear campaign.  You may have had "things", but lacked emotional support, validation and the understanding that you are your own person. You are not a puppet or player in your parents a bigger image or game.  You are not a trophy and you are worth more than a scapegoat. You have more value than that of your achievements and mistakes.  You no longer have to be an actor or an actress in the abusive theatrics. Start positioning yourself as an observer. Watch it play out on the stage in front of you. And if you are ready and have seen enough, head out of the exit door. When you are in it, you are too close to realize what is going on. You have to separate the fact from the fiction, the truth from the lies, the experience from the guilt.  --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/truthcampaign/message