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We are riding a high after appearing on The TODAY Show this morning! Hoda and Jenna were the warmest hosts and in this week's episode we dig a little deeper into one of their viewer questions about housework and how to stop keeping score. Tune in for 6 specific strategies you can use to reduce tension, conflict and stave off resentment in the long-run. Don't forget you can save 20% off all of our video courses at HappierCouples.com with code PODCAST. And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! You can watch the interview on Today With Hoda and Jenna here. See below for a rough summary of the podcast: Earlier today we were on The Today Show thanks to Kieran, producer extraordinaire, who has a new segment series called Relationships Dilemmas. My partner and I are constantly keeping score over who's doing more at home -- between the dishes, cooking dinner, taking out the trash. So my question is, what's the best way to delegate or balance routine chores at home? Keep score but play for the same team. Focus on all the things your partner does. Make a list of everything that needs to be done - break it down into small parts. Really break it down. And let yourselves add to it as things come up. Then run through the chores like a draft taking turns opting into specific tasks. I’d suggest you do this monthly as opposed to making it a one time thing because the list will change, your schedules will change and it’s good to switch things up. The point is to look at the tasks as a team as opposed to tracking who does what. Get to the underlying issues. If making a list and going through it feels triggering, if it hits a sore spot, if you’re resistant, if you get defensive, consider whether or not chores are the issue or if it’s a relational, emotional or attachment need that’s not being met. Is it really about dirty dishes or is it about feeling unheard? Is it about laundry or is it about resentment for the fact that you gave something up to support your partner’s career?It’s easy to place blame on the superficial issues like chores as opposed to examine the root issues.I see this often. You argue about something rather innocuous like the way they put the food in the fridge, but really you’re annoyed that they don’t put effort into the relationship. Don’t expect it to be 50/50. That’s not the way life works and if you’re obsessed with making sure your partner does as much as you, ask yourself why. Your lives are different. Your skills sets are different. There are going to points in the relationship when you do more domestic labour. And there will be times when your partner does more. Examine gender roles and other identity layers that may be contributing to engrained biases. Did your mom do all the cooking and you now expect your wife to do the same? Was your dad handy and you now have the unrealistic expectation that your boyfriend should take care of repairs? Express gratitude profusely. It’s so easy to take all the little things for granted. And even if you do appreciate all the things your partner does. The gratitude gap refers to the distance between feeling grateful and actually expressing it. Lower your expectations. Just because you want things done a certain way to a certain standard doesn’t mean your partner affords the same value to the same tasks. Maybe you’re angry or annoyed that they don’t clean as thoroughly as you. And maybe that’s a legitimate concern. But maybe you’re being unrealistic. Maybe they do a perfectly decent job and you take comfort in laying criticism because of past issues. Maybe it gives you a sense of control. Or meaning. This happens with kids. One parents has expectations that the other finds unrealistic in terms of how involved you should be in your kids lives, how much you should influence (or in some cases control) them and this leads to arguments that are seemingly about childrearing but they’re real...