Live the Golden Rule - People Will Remember How You Made Them Feel

All right, welcome back to all our Becoming Your Best Podcast listeners. Excited to be with you today, wherever you are. Driving in a car, at work, at home, what an honor that you would take the time to listen. And I really wanna make this worth the few minutes that we have together, and this is gonna a quick hitter. I was just talking with someone, a good friend of mine named Dean, and he said, "You know what I love about these podcasts, is they're short and sweet. I can listen to it on the way to work during a 20-minute drive." And he just...he really commented that, you know, "I love the power of it in a short amount of time," and he's exactly right. And that's the intent, is that you can listen to this and have some quick hitting ideas that can really impact your life in a short amount of time. Now this focus is on principle number five, Live the Golden Rule in Business and in Life. Now normally, this would be an outward focused principle, treating others right. I mean, I love what Maya Angelou said. She said, "People won't remember what you said or what you did, what they'll remember is how you made them feel." And typically, isn't that the truth? This principle also has to do within the business setting of creating a world class customer experience, both for the internal and external customer. Well, today is gonna be a little different, because I've really over the last month been focused on people, and watching people and observing, and trying to learn from them. You know what, what makes the difference in their life? And someone asked me the question that sparked this curiosity about a month ago, and the question was, "How do you give someone desire?" Oh, now that's a doozy of a question, isn't it? Like the trillion-dollar question if you could really answer that. And actually, I've been trying to answer that for three years. That was a book I wanted to write, desire, and I still wanna write that book. And so I've really been fascinated by that. How do you help someone have desire? And how does that question pertain to this principle? Well, let's turn this principle inward for this particular podcast, because what I found is, it's really difficult to be transformational and help lift someone to a better place, if we don't see ourselves in a positive light. And so a lot of this is a reflection of ourselves and how do we view ourselves. And as soon as we turn those tables and flip that switch, where you start to view yourself in a positive light and we start to see ourselves differently, it becomes much easier to then turn around and help others and help them get to a better place. And that really starts with desire. I mean, let me just give you an example here. I'll only use first names. I just finished an event in St. Louis, met some incredible people, and there's always a handful, one or two or three that just really stand out. I mean, like a a lighthouse, and one of those was Jim. And within maybe 20 to 30 seconds of him talking with me, I knew that he was an incredible person. And since then, he's shared a couple of emails, I mean, this all in last couple of weeks here. He's just on fire. And his comment during the event was, "Man, I just feel like the rust is falling off here. I'm just feeling this fire starting to come within me that I used to feel, but I had lost along the way." And I'm so excited to watch what's gonna happen with Jim here over the upcoming months and year. And then there's another person who, Jamie, who's our VP of Business Development just talked with, and I'm just gonna make up a random name and her name is Jill. And she's with a company, she heads their HR department, and she was interested in bringing Becoming Your Best in to do some training for their company at some point the future, and she has the book. And the way she responded to Jamie on this call, he just had a few minutes go with her was, "Yeah, I really wanted to get around to this Jamie, but I've just been so busy. I haven't been able to even look at anything." And here is the irony, Jamie just asked her, "Have you read the book?" And she said, "No, no, no, no, I haven't, but I'll get to it eventually." And he just commented, "Hey, you may wanna consider chapter four on prioritize your time. There are some great ideas there that really can help you with time management." And her response was just awesome. She said, "I'm the queen of time management. I don't need it. I've got everything figured out. When it comes to time management, I'm the best." And she had just got done telling him how chaotic her life was and how busy she was. And let me contrast that with an email that Jim just sent regarding pre-week planning and the impact that it's having in his life. He said, and this is a quote from his email. "I'm amazed at the results of my first day using pre-week planning. I got so many meaningful things done today and it truly seems like I did nothing. So productive, but not busy. Ah, that's transformational. Such high leverage activities, I'm gonna have to come up with more activities." He said, "I couldn't believe all the things I got done, but I truly never felt busy in the process." And this is coming from someone who prides himself on being busy. "I now seek to be productive." In other words, there's a total difference in mindset between Jim and this lady who we'll just call Jill on the phone. And so I would ask each of us to look inward at ourselves, and are we more like Jim, where we just have this hunger and thirst to better ourselves or are we more like Jill, where we shut out potential learning and growth for ourselves, because we say, "I've got it all figured out, I don't need that." And we miss some enormous opportunities that could potentially be right in front of us. And so that's the beginning of this podcast is, each person listening, first turning that mirror on to themselves and each of us looking in the mirror and asking, "Where are we at in our receptivity? Are we willing to learn? Do we have a humility about us?" And I'm gonna assume that if you're listening to the podcast, then the answer is absolutely yes. Now let's go back to what we talked about here and turning the mirror inwards and helping someone to include ourselves, get that desire. There are two focuses on this podcast that would really have an impact on each one of us. And the first of those, if you have a pen and paper, I'd even ask you to write this down. So if you're in a place where you can write, go ahead and grab a pen and paper. Write down these words. Have, do, be. Have, do, be. And this is what unfortunately a lot of the world thinks, is, first they need to have something, then they can do it, and then they will become that. I mean, I've heard some people say, "Yeah, once I get money, then I'll be able to do all these great things and become this really generous person. I'm gonna give a lot of those resources away once I have it." And they're seeing life exactly backwards. Have, do, be. And I wonder internally, how many times I've thought that in different capacities. How many times have you thought this? Where first, once you have it, then you can do it, and that will allow you to become that. And it's really, in my experience, exactly opposite. It's be, do, have. And this applies both personally and professionally. You wanna be a great manager, you wanna be a great mother, father, it doesn't matter. Across the board, it's first, we become that, then once we are that person, that allows us to do, and then we have. And that's why so many people wonder, well, why don't I have? Because we're looking at the equation backwards. It should be, be first, that allows us to do, and then the rewards come. The results start to show up and that's in the form of the have. Well, how do you be first? And this starts to go back to desire. And here's a few thoughts for you. There's one called the five-hour rule, and this is a powerful Elon Musk, Oprah Winfrey, they live by this. And this is investing one hour a day back into yourself. In other words,... Maybe it's called your power hour. Whatever you wanna call it. There's different terminologies for it. It's your power hour, it's for you, it's one hour invested back into you. It could be exercise, it could be meditating. This morning I got up and read for 45 minutes from three different books, and just had an incredible amount of ideas about what I could do in my life, and it was just awesome. That was 45 minutes of reading, and then I went over and took about 10 minutes to work on some charts for the stock market, sharpening that skill. So there was an hour invested in myself this morning. What can you do every day to invest an hour back into yourself? That's part of being. It's not having first, it's being so that you can do and then ultimately reap the results and have. If you wanna lose weight, well, be first mentally there, take the time, invest so that you can do, and then you are gonna have the result you want to have, as an example. Well, here's another one. Once you incorporate the five-hour rule, set aside at least 5% of your income to invest back into yourself. So if you're making $100,000, that's at least $5,000. Some of the most successful people we know will take 10% to 15%, because think about what your most valuable resource is, it's your mind. And it's those tools and skills that we put in our minds. So Jill, that hypothetical person, she had all these skill sets in front of her, but not the mindset to actually use them. "I'm the queen of time management, I don't need any help in this arena." For me I would never say those words. That would be a huge internal red flag for me that I've stopped learning. As soon as I've stopped learning, it's time to hang up the hat. It's time to be done. So now this really gets into the question that I asked at the beginning the podcast, which is, how do we get desire, help someone else have desire so that they can be first, do, and then have. And this is a reflection of ourselves first, right? So here are two things that I found that will help give someone a desire, and it helps in the be, so that we can then do and have, and that is to read often. And if you're not actively reading, I invite you to try this. Choose a few books, either around leadership, motivation, whatever it might be, and take 15 minutes a day, and start your day reading. Just see what that does to your mind, it's gonna be like a fire that starts growing within you, when you have this as a habit. The second way to get desire and to really begin this process of be, do, have, is to put yourselves in an environment where a seed can grow. And that's what I've done in becoming your... We have several coaching clients and others who say, "You know, this has totally transformed my life, the 12 principles. Becoming Your Best, I just...and this fire, it's been an incredible year, but my spouse doesn't want anything to do with developing a vision or talking about goals. She just doesn't wanna do... You know, she doesn't want anything to do with this," or vice versa. "He doesn't want anything to do with this." Well how do you help them have desire? Helping give someone an opportunity to put that seed in the ground and allowing it to grow is one of those things. And so, attend seminars where you can. Make it a fun way. We have the Breakthrough Leadership Conference as an example. It's actually gonna start for us in two days, the next will be in October. People come out as a couple, sometimes they bring their team, and it's an incredible experience because now they're talking about the same things. They have a similar beginning point. And so that's number one, is, instead of have, do, be, shift the equation to be, do, have. And being is first of all, us looking at ourselves asking, "What can we do to see ourselves in a more positive light, to invest in ourselves." The five-hour rule, one hour a day for you. 5% of your income back into your own development. Getting a personal coach. Attending a seminar that will allow you to see things differently and think differently, sharpening your saw. That's number one. And number two in this equation, to help us see things differently and help you see yourself in a positive light, is to really watch your words. This has become an increasingly big deal in my life as I watch this. And it requires more and more self-restraint on my part not to say something when I see another person really tearing their own selves down. Sometimes we are our own hardest critic. Now think about this, if someone was to record your thoughts and write them down after an entire day, what would that conversation look like? In other words, how do you talk to yourself? What kind of words go through your mind? What kind of conversation are you having? Is it an upbeat conversation of all the things you can do and what you can accomplish? Or, like 70% of people, are your thoughts trending towards the negative side of all the things you can't do and why you're not good enough? And it's very easy to slip into that mindset of, "Oh, Johnny can do this. Well, they can do this, but, man, I can't do this." Let me give you some examples here. And as I give you these examples, think about what would happen if all the words that you said and physically uttered out of your mouth became a reality. How careful would you be about your words if everything you said became a reality? Let me give you an example. I know you've heard people say these kind of things, and maybe we've said them ourselves. Have you ever heard someone say, "Oh, I could never do that?" Well, what have they just done with their words? The person has just sealed their own fate in that area. I could never do that. Well, now I never gave a chance for that particular seed to grow. How about this one, I've heard people say this, and this is one that requires self-restraint. I get sick every year this time of year. Well, that almost becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because the word becomes a reality. And what I wish we as human beings understood more, and I'm just beginning to understand this, is how powerful our words are. That when you say something, there is a creative force to your words. And oftentimes, those tend to become a reality. In fact, our biochemistry oftentimes will change with our thoughts and words. And that's why it's so important to be careful with your words. I was on my way to a football game last year with my son, he said, "Dad, there's no way we can beat this team." Well, where was he already defeated? Right there in the mind. And so we talked about that, and he shifted his words, and shifted his thinking on that. Because you gotta give a chance for the seed to at least grow, right? Think about this, if your mind was this fertile field, what's gonna happen when you plant the seed? Well, it's gonna take life, it's gonna grow. And there's a great book out, there's actually two that I would recommend. One is called, The Four Agreements, and the other is called, The Tongue, a Creative Force. Both great books, referencing these ideas about your words and your thoughts becoming a reality. So think of your mind like a field. And from that book, The Tongue, a Creative Force and The Four Agreements, what happens is, we tend to make these internal agreements. And I'll even bring Star Wars into the analogy. Who did the force work well on? When someone was trying to use the force on someone else, who did it work well on? It was usually those of a weak mind. Who did the force not work on? It was someone that had a strong mind and wouldn't allow someone else to act upon them. So either we will act or be acted upon. And in the book The Four Agreements, they take this from a different light and so, let's just look at this from this particular light. I like the way they do this as an analogy, as a sample. Treat yourself like a wizard. And I don't care if your net worth is worth $200 million and you're the CEO of a large publicly traded company. I don't care if you stay at home and have a few children, and that is your world. Think of it the same way because it's the same concept. You're a wizard here. When you say something, you're casting a spell on someone else, when you say something to them. And for the fun, we can call this black magic or white magic. Either you're sending poison at them in the form of black magic with your words or you're sending white magic. Words of encouragement, uplifting words, seeds that will help them grow and develop or poison that will destroy the seeds in their fertile soil of their mind. And more importantly then what we say to others is what we say to ourselves. And that's why I come back to this whole concept of watching your words. Sometimes, without even knowing it, we're planting the seeds that are filled with poison in our own minds, and we don't even allow ourselves to be in the first place. Be, do, have. That's why that five-hour rule, 5% of your income to read and attend seminars is so critical. That's what allows us to plant those seeds in our own mind and then have that growth. And I was just sitting around the dinner table earlier in the week talking about this with our children, and I didn't know if they got it or not. And then ironically, this morning we came back to this idea of how important our words are. And so I used an example of what happens if someone calls you stupid. And then my nine-year-old daughter Lana, she goes, she jumps right out and she's like, "Dad, that's someone throwing their black magic at you and you have to wave it off and replace it with happy thoughts." And how powerful of a response is that from a nine-year-old actually. And that's exactly what happens. People are gonna say things to you where they're gonna cast their black magic or their spell at you. Now you have a choice, do you plant that seed that they gave you in your mind or do you wave it off because your self-worth and the way you see yourself is already so solidified that you don't need someone to tell you you're great? You don't need someone to tell you that you're bad. You have your own self-worth regardless of what other people say to you. So number one, what kind of words are you uttering to other people. And even more importantly, for this podcast, what are the words that you say to yourself on a daily basis, and how do you shift those? Here's one last example of this, of black magic, white magic, casting a spell, whatever you want to call it. Programming someone else's mind. There's a story of a mother who came home from work, she'd had a long day and so she has a headache, and, you know, it's just been one of those kind of days. Well, her daughter, and I think, we'll just say around six, seven years old, her daughter was singing. And she was all excited, and she was playing this instrument that she had made, and she was going to town. Well, because of the long day that her mom had, this just amplified her headache. And so in a moment of, we'll just call it weakness, she lashed out at her daughter and told her, "Will you quit singing, you have a terrible voice. You can't sing anyway." Now, in that moment of weakness, she casted a spell, she throughout these words that were poisonous words. And in a young fertile mind, it planted a seed. Now, how did her daughter respond to this, in this hypothetical scenario? Well, now she started to believe her mom. She didn't have a good voice so she quit singing. In school, she used to talk to people, she used to be alive and voracious, but now, because of these self-conscious thoughts of being, you know, a terrible singer, maybe she's bad at performing in front of people, she started to look inward anymore. She didn't talk to her friends anymore, and this just continued through her years of middle school and high school until as an adult, she considered herself a strong introvert, which there's nothing wrong with being an introvert. That she didn't have any musical talents or gifts at all, and so on and so on. Well where did this all start? It was that seed, it was that, we'll just call it "a spell" from her mother, where she cast out those poisonous words, indeed her daughter planted the seed, and it grew to be can become a reality. And so I would just ask you to think about this, what are the words that you say to yourself on a daily basis? Are they uplifting to you or are they filled with poison? And we've got to eliminate the poisonous words from our vocabulary. Second, how do you talk to other people? Are you casting out white magic, words and seeds that would lift people or are they black magic, something that would tear other people down and hurt them in the process? So this is all tied back to the principle of, Live the Golden Rule in Business and in Life, which normally as I mentioned at the beginning of the podcast, is outward focused. Well in this podcast, we turned that back on to ourselves and really hopefully had a chance to look in the mirror. What kind of conversations are you having? Are you open to learning and development? Well, if you're on the podcast, my guess is the answer to that is yes. We're more like Jim and not necessarily the hypothetical Jill. And so, when we have that desire, how do we shift that conversation? And you remember number one was, making the shift from having first, do and be, to becoming, be, do, have. And the only way to do that is to develop our own mind, so that there's a strong self-worth in each one of us. And that puts us in a position where we can really lift others, and with our words, make a big difference. Not only in our own growth and development, but in helping others. It's been my experience though that rarely does someone cast out their seeds of white magic, we'll just call it that for today, if they're not in a place to do so, and if they're not in a place where they see themselves in that positive light to be able to do that in the first place. So I hope this podcast has given you some ideas. What I'd hope that you take away from this is that you teach maybe some open coworkers about it, maybe not. If you're not in a work environment like that, then teach your children, bring it up with your spouse, and then really be cognizant of your words as you go throughout today. And if you find yourself uttering a word that you would not want to become a reality, then replace it with something positive, shift that word. And watch what happens to your own self-worth as you start to only use light filled words, rather than these poisonous words that can tear yourself down or tear others down. Well, hey, it's been a pleasure being with you, that's the invitation. Let us know how it goes, email us at We would love to hear your story. And then just something to put on your radar, every April and October is the Breakthrough Leadership Conference, where you have two days of content focused exclusively on you and helping you achieve and accomplish your dreams. So take a look at the website,, and pencil out those dates. Invest in yourself and make that time so that we really can have that fertile soil. We try to walk just as much as we talk the talk because we're all the same. We all need that development so that we can be, do, have. All right, we're wishing you a great day, and remember that one person can make a difference. We'll see you next week, have a wonderful day. See for privacy and opt-out information.

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