79. not gonna be the abusive guy: horizontal with a poly kinky couple (2 of 4)
Welcome back to part 2 of 4 episodes with my dear friends, primary poly partners, kinky lovers, and entrepreneurs, leaders in the poly / kink People of Color community, Tiana a Orion. In episode 78. surprise surprise he liked black chicks, we dove into Tiana’s sexual development. We talked about natural musk, her parent’s divorce, commuting between the two households, what Tiana a Orion’s parents have in common, face-sitting on teddy bears, her first inklings of exhibitionism, being a good girl, then fucking til you die!, how Tiana met her husband in middle school by dropping books on him, the story of their marriage, a very good tip for good anal play, the taint, camming on Chaturbate, looking for threesomes on Feeld, Tiana’s first polycule and first triad, and how her ex demolished their relationship by wiping out their accounts on payroll day. And that was just the first quarter of our conversation, and you should listen to it first. In this episode, we discuss Orion’s family legacy: the violence of his father, his mother’s pattern of dating abusive men, coding love based on what we experienced as children, and how even abuse can be coded as love if it was all you could get from your caregivers, witnessing more than one way to father, poverty a private school, Orion’s interplay with the archetype of the strong black woman, us-against-the-world, compartmentalization, bullying, Orion, The Soldier, and The Beast, going to the Renaissance Faire as a black couple, microaggressions at a white boat party, how Orion is the first black male primary partner that Tiana has had, and Orion’s biggest difficulty being in relationship with Tiana. (I don’t think you’ll guess what it is!) And this is just part two! You definitely want to hear part three a four of this conversation. Tiana and Orion allow us to witness the inner workings of their relationship, talking through the biggest strain that they have have experienced so far, live, involving broken agreements, a communication breakdown, and sex with secondary partner. It’s fresh, and alive. New information is revealed in the conversation: there is hurt, and introspection, and questioning, and loving challenge, and we get to hear — in real time — how they work through the Deep Feels. They are beyond generous to allow us this true window into their poly life. It is an edge. I am deeply honored that they would navigate that edge and allow us to listen in. This has my aim for the podcast all along— to allow you to eavesdrop on a private conversation, so that we can learn some of the forms that intimate dialogue can take. I feel certain there’s something there for you, poly or not. In order to listen to part three and four, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Go to Patreon.com / horizontal with lila ... At the base tier of $10/month, you get access to The Full Horizontal, including all the part twos going back to the beginning (or in this case, threes and fours) plus access to the secret patrons Facebook group, and a monthly video of intimacy tips and a love poem. In keeping with my commitment to myself to rewire my nervous system for joy by celebrating triumphs of any size, I have something to share: On May 21st, 2019, I will celebrate 2 years of horizontal. A Horizontal-Aversary! I have never loved a project for so long before. I have never felt so powerfully committed to a mission before. And I have never before had the soul-satisfaction of knowing that my work resonates. I am going to mark this occasion in two ways: first, with another Confetti Project Open Studios photo shoot, and then, on May 21st, with a Horizontal-Aversary party at which the invitees are all previous horizontal guests a current patrons. (Become one in the next 10 days for an invite!) I plan to attempt the recording of an episode unprecented in the horizontal-verse! I’d be honored if you’d celebrate this milestone with me in any one of these ways: becoming a patron, sending me a personal message about how a particular horizontal concept or episode has made a difference for you, or by sharing this art I’ve made you with the people you love most in the world. Thank you for listening. Come lie down with us again in the The Bronx, New York.