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Are butch-femme roles in queer relationships just recycling the same old hetero his 'n' hers gender boxes? What happens when toxic masculinity invades queer relationships and spaces? In an Unladylike FIRST, we're re-asking and re-answering a listener advice request–and with empathetic expertise from Autostraddle editor in-chief Carmen Phillips and community editor Nico Hall. Carmen and Nico break down butch misogyny, femme objectification and why lesbian relationships aren't immune to patriarchy. Highlights include: midcentury Buffalo lesbians, helpful dykes, queer signaling and Catholic school unladies. Carmen and Nico's recommended reading: Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold Kate Bornstein (author of Gender Outlaw) With Gratitude and Struggle: Loving Butch/Femme as a Trans Woman Butch Memoirs to Check Out On navigating femme invisibility The Allure of Chola Femininity To get in touch with Unladylike: Send voice memos and emails to hello@unladylike.co Follow Unladylike on Instagram and TikTok Join the Unladies' Room Patreon Shop merch Contact Multitude Productions for ad rates, etc. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices