157. Is It Proportional?
It’s common for parents to believe that the “punishment” of estrangement is supposed to fit the “crime” – whatever it may be – to which their adult child is holding them accountable by keeping their distance.
This idea that the length or perceived severity of estrangement correlates exclusively to an injury or injuries suffered by the adult child in childhood is, in most cases, a myth.
Trying to map your adult child’s estrangement onto their childhood may be nothing more than an exercise in frustration. Most parents remember making sacrifices and efforts on their children’s behalf. Therefore they tend to look back at the time as, at worst, a mixed bag for their child(ren).
Relationships are complicated. So is estrangement. In this myth-busting episode, Tina advises listeners to stop linking present estrangement behavior to the distant past, and embrace the current context of accumulated experience.
For more on understanding why adult children cut off their parents and what you can do about it, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.
Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.
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EPISODE LINKS:
Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child: Practical Tips and Tools to Heal Your Relationship
These 4 Things Affect How Long You’ll Be Estranged
RC Podcast Episode 20: What Your Child’s Silence Really Means