The Set Piece – 3.33 – Bromaggeddon II: Fedora Wars

If you are a fan of overdressing at happy hour and negging it’s been a pretty solid May for you. Winter is finally letting go of its death grip and you can finally throw on a pair of shorts without the least bit of irony. And best of all, one of your beloved clubs has a chance for European glory. This week the boys give the Europa League its time in the spotlight, Chelsea and Arsenal had the chance to make history with an all English European Championship. Chelsea had a much steeper climb against a strong Eintracht Frankfurt club they drew with on Leg 1. After another 120 minute stalemate it came down to Kepa Arrizabalaga and some heroic saves to secure a trip to scenic Baku that definitely didn’t bribe UEFA to have a final in Azerbaijan. Arsenal had a much easier bout against Valencia who had no answer for the combination of striker and unapologetic chach, Pierre Emerick Aubamayeng and Alexandre Lacazette. Which brings us to Championship Sunday, a Premier League event in itself where all teams play at the same time to ensure that no fuckery takes place. Thanks to Big Head Bastard’s big boot from hell, the championship race was all but over. Though Brighton gave Liverpool fans a bit of hope, it was short lived as Sergio Aguero and crew sashayed their way to a dominant win to repeat as Champions. Meanwhile at Old Trafford things have been off the rails all year and it came to a very rewarding conclusion for fans of shitshows. Cardiff City waltzed into town and slid two goals past the 14 year old occupying David De Gea’s body on their way back down to the Championship. It all came to a head with Paul Pogba being attacked by fans because he’s responsible for giving Phil Jones a contract extension. Set Piece Hall of Farmer, Patrice Evra, was so disgusted he hit Gary Neville up on WhatsApp and told him to bring a camera crew. We whip through Europe to check in the wind down of domestic competition. Neymar gets a slap on the wrist for punching a fan in France and Bayern Munich bless the streets with a new kit. In Spain, the winds of change are aggressive and unkind. Zinedine Zidane is not resting on his laurels, letting it be known who won’t be seeing him in his sexy jeans next season. Soccer star and black person enthusiast, Antoine Griezmann, pledged his loyalty to Atletico Madrid a year ago with a Lebron style documentary but time has changed and Messi’s call is a bit louder as he announced that this year will be his last with Simeone and the squad. In Merica, Zlatan tries to choke out a goalkeeper and Cocaine D gets the stunning documentary he deserves. Gary Neville dodges beer on his way to work, “David De Gea” forgets who his girlfriend is. All this on another edition of the Set Piece.  

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