lystn

Nonviolent Communication is one of the most powerful ways of speaking with people that I have ever come across. It eliminates useless strategies like judgment and proving yourself right and instead gives you absolutely tactical techniques to get the things you need for happiness for yourself and your interlocutor.

Listen on:

• iTunes
• Spotify
• Stitcher

NVC is not a new, gimmicky set of dictum. It boils down the philosophies of Stoicism, the psychological approaches of CBT and cognitive psychology.

Marshall Rosenberg was a psychologist trained in the classical analytic, but found it unsatisfying and for the most part, unhelpful.

Marshall Rosenberg Masterclass on NVC. 

Speaking Giraffe vs. Speaking Jackal

• NVC is not really a theory or a guide to behavior--it is a language!!!
• Giraffes only hear feelings & needs, never thoughts
• Jackal language is about judging, criticizing, analyzing, moralizing and accusing. When we feel unfairly treated, accused or when we want to impose our wishes, we tend to use the language of the jackal. Jackal language is separating. Giraffe language is unifying.

The System

There are essentially two major parts--The four component speech creation and emergency empathy

The Four Components

1. Observation without Evaluation

• Avoid generalization, only specifics (generally good to avoid the past as well)
• Separate the observation from the evaluation or better yet, eliminate the evaluation
• You are the most inconsiderate person--you are always late

2. Feeling

• Internal emotional states vs. thoughts/judgment
• If you can replace I feel with I think--then it is not a feeling
• If I feel is followed by: that, like, or as if then it is not a feeling
• If I feel is followed by a name or pronoun (whether he, you, or I), then it is not a feeling
• Eliminate the feel--and see if it still works I feel sad to I'm sad works. I feel
• Could you feel it alone on a desert island--Ignored is not a feeling, unimportant is not a feeling, resentment is not a feeling b/c they require another to judge/act. It is a thought about how someone else is judging us
• Stoicism/CBT--We are the only ones responsible for our feelings
• We are responsible for everything we do (Replace I have to with I choose to)
• Do not connect the feelings to the observations through cause and effect. They relate--they are not caused by.
• When I observe X, I feel Y
• Even break it down to good/bad